This drawing was done in 1982. It was the first time I experienced drawing completely from within, allowing the drawing to evolve without filters, without my brain interfering. The Surrealists referred to this as automatic drawing. As I drew, I didn't try to figure out what the drawing was about or why the content needed to express itself.It was a terrible time in my life. My marriage had failed. I'd returned to school to work toward obtaining a Masters in Computer Technology! I was, for the first time in my life, being sensible. I was taking three courses at night while holding down a full-time job designing computer workstations. At the age of 31 my dreams were shattered. Hormones kicked in. All I wanted was to be a mother and to paint. I had always thought I could do both, but found that life was not allowing me either one.
Due to my schedule, I hadn't painted or drawn for months. Sleep deprivation got the best of me. I stayed at least five feet away from all windows as the urge to jump had returned. The two glasses of wine I consumed while cooking my week's worth of food had kicked in and my emotions swirled, gaining speed until I found a pencil and my sketchbook. I was too weak to resist the forms that emerged.
I had forgotten this drawing until yesterday when I was writing about Out of the Darkness. I have been asked about the pod-like form. I don't know what it is or why it came out of me. Nor do I understand the rings, the orbs or the saucer shapes. When these shapes emerge, I feel a release, a balance. I am where I am supposed to be if only for a moment.
Link to other automatic drawings & paintings
